Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
