Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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