Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
