I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
