I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
