When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I just sharted jello shots
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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