dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
