I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
