i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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