I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
false alarm, still single
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
