Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry about my life...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
