when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
