i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
