Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Less talking, more tequila
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
