i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
