I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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