ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
