This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your cock deserves a montage
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
