They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
