Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
be right there i have to get my cape
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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