drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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