I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love accidental penises.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
