my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
