omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
