They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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