You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
