i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
