piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
