I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
