My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
