you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
