yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
