i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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