I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
