Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
