Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize