That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
