Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
