remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize