Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
