i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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