I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
