If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
