I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
