mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
