if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
