And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
