god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
