i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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