its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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