Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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