At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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