Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
