Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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