Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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