i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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