ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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