I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
