i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They have beer where we have blood.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
