On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
