I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
