god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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