from now on my penis is your penis
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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