I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize