all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
