i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
